when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
