be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
