I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
