we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
