I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
