We're facebook friends in real life
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
