I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
