i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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