then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
