I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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