my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
