he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My feet surprised me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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