Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
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I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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