he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
