someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
