They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
