I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
