Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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