sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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