After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
