Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
