So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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