i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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