All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
