We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
