he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
