Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
