I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
operation harelip BJ is a go
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize