if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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