You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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