im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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