Buhtt sex?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
