my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
