How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
