On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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