i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
