you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
