Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
