Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
