I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
