loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
