he thought i was a dude.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
