piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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