I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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