1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
