when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
