what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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