i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
