Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
