idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
tell me about the eggs
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
