He is an equal opportunity slut.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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