What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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