my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
