by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
