Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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