wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize