we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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