420 ftw
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
