I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
