Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Pooping to opera.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
