clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
