What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
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he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
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well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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