did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
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I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
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My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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