p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
