Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
