Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
