he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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