i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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