This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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