so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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