im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
