He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
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New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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