My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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