I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
they need to just BURY HIM!
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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